This is for you, Peter O’Toole.
“I will not be a common man. I will stir the smooth sands of monotony.”
—Peter O’Toole
ARE WE HERE YET?
On an individual and personal basis, just finding a way to say “Here, read this”— when it comes to The Urantia Book— just as difficult as:
Overcoming all Fear
Getting your cat to take a bath
Arresting Global Warming
Establishing Economic Fairness
Discovering an inexhaustible energy source
Loving one another
Ending Global Poverty
Ending War
Achieving World Peace
Achieving the brotherhood of all mankind
Well. You get the point, don’t you?
TED CRUZ TALKS TO GRILLED SAUSAGE
Senator Ted Cruz walked out of the Mens Congressional restroom Friday, talking to a levitating ballpark frank.
Ted Cruz Chats With His Lunch in the Congressional Men’s Room
WASHINGTON— A partially dressed and apparently deranged Senator Ted Cruz (®Texas), emerged from the Congressional Men’s room Friday, alternately sobbing and talking coherently with an apparently invisible sausage or hot dog, which he claimed was hovering just above his head in front of him.
The Senator, who was shirtless and covered with dark paw marks of some sort was met outside the restroom by a phalanx of Capital Hill reporters with recording devices and a few snickers.
When asked why he was sobbing, Cruz responded, “Look! Just look what they did to my sweet little dog, Teddy; Obamacare grilled my sweet little dog. Well, why doesn’t he try and say it to my dog’s face!”
“Um, where is your dog Teddy now, sir?” asked Fox News reporter, Ed Henry. “There— right there in the lights, just in front of me” replied Cruz, staring off to the ceiling. The senator then made a series of little stroking motions, as if he were petting a dog; an uncomfortable silence was broken by the arrival of Capital Hill Security, who gingerly escorted the Senator from the room.
Cruz, who Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) recently said was “…a laughing stock to everybody but him,” led the costly Tea Party debacle which shut down the United States Government for sixteen days; current estimates say the shutdown cost 900,000 jobs. Conservative pundicks say this is exactly the kind of thing that will endear him to the angry dead-ender conservative base, who are determined to vote against their own best interest, even if it means voting for a douche who talks to hotdogs while laying cable.
NATIONAL LAUGHINGSTOCK
This month’s national laughingstock just happens to be an adult crybaby.
This sorry-assed excuse for a magazine found its way into my personal space yesterday. Not only was it not funny, but it pissed me off in a way that I have seldom experienced since I stopped abusing certain vile foamy liquids and other assorted borderline ingestibles.
Many of you are too young in this adventure to remember National LAMPOON magazine, let alone one of their most memorable covers, from January 1973. (See it here.) But unlike that cover, this parody did not make me feel sorry for the Boner-as-victim of his own groveling attempts to destroy the American government and … you know what, just forget it.
Forget all the antics of the Republican “party” for a moment. Just answer this question: Why is a sniveling crybaby the Speaker of the House of Representatives of the United States?
Is this really the best creature we can squeeze out of our gene pool?
Apparently it is, so then, go ahead, Repuglican’ts; do your worst, you catatonic douchebags.
America has it coming.
A Few Moments About Our Oldest Living Ancestor.
The human race has no surviving ancestor between the frog, and the Eskimo.
Okay because I’m generally a thoughtful guy, Ima give you a “squeamish” warning about this video;
but yeah, just frog stuff.
THE FROG is the only species ancestor of the early dawn races of mankind now living on the face of the earth. And there’s this. “Had the ancestral frog of all humanity jumped two inches less on a certain occasion, the whole course of evolution would have been markedly changed.”*
After watching that vid you’re probably wondering if that would have been a bad thing, huh.
* Paper 62, Section 3, paragraph 9 of The Urantia Book:
You can hardly realize by what narrow margins your prehuman ancestors missed extinction from time to time. Had the ancestral frog of all humanity jumped two inches less on a certain occasion, the whole course of evolution would have been markedly changed. The immediate lemurlike mother of the dawn-mammal species escaped death no less than five times by mere hairbreadth margins before she gave birth to the father of the new and higher mammalian order.
But the closest call of all was when lightning struck the tree in which the prospective mother of the Primates twins was sleeping. Both of these mid-mammal parents were severely shocked and badly burned; three of their seven children were killed by this bolt from the skies. These evolving animals were almost superstitious. This couple whose treetop home had been struck were really the leaders of the more progressive group of the mid-mammal species; and following their example, more than half the tribe, embracing the more intelligent families, moved about two miles away from this locality and began the construction of new treetop abodes and new ground shelters—their transient retreats in time of sudden danger.
The World Sheriff— or Rogue Nation?
Sommmmebody stop mmmmmeee!
(Original image may surprise you.)
Congressman Alan Grayson is catching flack for his arguments against our intervention in Syria.
Grayson sums it up like this:
First, it’s not our responsibility.
Secondly, whatever we do won’t actually accomplish anything useful.
Third, it’s expensive.
And fourth, it’s dangerous.
Let’s clarify.
First, it’s not only our responsibility, it’s every nation’s responsibility.
Secondly, if we do something on our own, we won’t accomplish anything useful, but we will create even more global animosity towards the United States.
Third, yes, bloody expensive.
Fourth, dangerous, foolish, and criminal.
Here is Grayson’s DontAttackSyria.com petition:
“The Administration is considering intervening in the Syrian civil war. We oppose this. There’s no vital national security involved. We are not the world’s policeman, nor its judge and jury. Our own needs in America are great, and they come first. The death of civilians is always regrettable, and civil war is regrettable, but no Americans have been attacked, and no American allies have been attacked. The British Parliament understandably has voted not to join in any attack. Notably, defense contractor Raytheon’s stock is up 20% in the last 60 days. It seems that nobody wants US intervention in Syria except the military-industrial complex. I oppose US military intervention in Syria. Join me.”
Ban-Ki-moon, United Nations Secretary-General, said this Tuesday:
“The use of force is lawful only when in exercise of self-defense in accordance with Article 51 of the United Nations Charter and/or when the Security Council approves such action. That is the firm principle of the United Nations.”
Grayson and others are right: we “are not the world’s policeman.” But our membership in the United Nations means we are a cosignatory to a document designed to ensure world law and order, and there are rules, man. . .
If we act unilaterally, or outside of our obligations to the member nations, we are acting as a rogue nation, and committing another* war crime.
It’s time to start demonstrating we can walk the walk of a nation dedicated to world peace. And that means acting in consort with the decision of United Nations, and then helping to see their legal mandates are carried out. That means ALL nations have to contribute either boots (with people wearing them), equipment, etc., or MONEY.
It’s time for abandoning the twin sophistries of sovereignty and self-determination. The nations of the world will finally begin to enjoy peace when they freely surrender their respective sovereignties into the hands of a truly global government— the sovereignty of the brotherhood of mankind. In this world state, the small nations will be as powerful as the great, even as a small state like Rhode Island has its two senator just the same as the populous state of New York or huge area of Texas.
Global sovereignty is the only sovereignty that will prevent global wars— nothing else can. Global wars will go on until the government of mankind is created. The nations of the world have not possessed real sovereignty; they never have had a sovereignty which could protect them from the ravages and devastations of world wars.
In the creation of the global government of mankind, the nations are not giving up sovereignty so much as they are actually creating a real, bona fide, and lasting world sovereignty, which will henceforth be fully able to protect them from all war. Local affairs will be handled by local governments; national affairs, by national governments; international affairs will be administered by global government.
And under a world government, the individual will enjoy far more liberty. Today, the citizens of the great powers— US— are taxed, regulated, and controlled oppressively, and much of the present interference with our individual liberties will vanish when the national governments are willing to trustee their sovereignty as regards international affairs, into the hands of a true global government.
Under global government ALL national groups will be afforded a real opportunity to realize and enjoy the personal liberties of genuine democracy. The fallacy of self-determination will be ended. With global regulation of money and trade will come a new era of world-wide peace.
There simply is no better way to world peace.
You cannot prevent nations going to war as long as they remain infected with the delusional virus of national sovereignty. Internationalism is a step in the right direction. An international police force will prevent many minor wars, but it will not be effective in preventing major wars, conflicts between the great military governments of earth.
—The Urantia Book
*Okay, we all can agree poison gas is a Weapon of Mass Destruction. But so is a hail storm of cruise missiles. It’s time to outlaw ALL war.
